At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
