My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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