The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
