Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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