I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
