The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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