im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
