Just fell off a train. Bad.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I cockslap morals
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
