Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
