8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
