i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
