I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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