There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize