So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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