He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
