Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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