Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
