i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize