tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
