hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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