Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
