Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
