What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
This is my life. Enjoy the view
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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