dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Randomize
