Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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