yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
