if i can run in heels then i can drive
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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