We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
