i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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