you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
