did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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