when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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