he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
