Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
