Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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