its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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