Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize