The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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