Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
