I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
