It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
being pregnant is like rehab
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
