just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
