She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
