Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
