ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
