Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
