Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize