My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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