Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
