im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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