She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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