We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
