..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
