If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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