You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
