I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
