i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
