I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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