Non-Jews are for practice
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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