You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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