After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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