Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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