Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
