Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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