wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize