I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
