I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
