i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
