Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
vagina is talking i cant
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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