You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
