my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
