Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
