Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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