The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
