yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
