get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
