everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
