Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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