I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
