She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
