I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
did i walk over a car last night?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
