just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
