theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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