Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
