I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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