I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
