How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
