yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
