...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize