Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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