i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
