This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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