The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Bring me that man meat
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
