Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
