Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
