honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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