You smell like a Billy Joel song
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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